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- Preface
- What you can get from this
book
Part I – Background & history
- Introduction
- 01. What are we talking about,
anyway?
- 02. Reinventing the wheel: why
polyamory won’t change the world.
- 03. So, you want to be polyamorous!
- 04. The usual questions
- 05. About swingers
- 06. Avoid the common mistakes
- 07. Overview: what polyamory
actually requires
- 08. Other sides of the coin
- 09. The first fatal steps
- 10. Prepare your sacrifices
- 11. You will screw up
- 12. Relationship is not security
- 13. Communication: the big lie
- 14. You don’t know what
you’re saying: language & metalanguage
- 15. It sucks to be secondary
- 16. It sucks to be primary
- 17. It sucks to be polyamorous
- 18. The jealousy thing
- 19. Swim or die
- 20. Vindication through
sabotage
- 21. Polyamory or promiscuity?
- 22. Pregnancy, disease, legal action,
and other distractions
Part II – How to actually be polyamorous
- 23. Core requirements of polyamory
- 24. Good theory & $5 will get you
a double mocha
- 25. Lifelong intent, day-to-day
attitude
- 26. Learning to deal with
change
- 27. Figuring out what you are
- 28. What are your motivations?
- 29. Why polyamory?
- 30. Honesty: risking yourself &
others
- 31. Friend- vs. family-oriented
- 32. What will the neighbors think
(and should we care)?
- 33. Communicating with a partner or
other life-form
- 34. Levels of attraction: define
"love"
- 35. Love, conditional &
otherwise
- 36. Creating a dyad
- 37. Problem-solving: how to fight
- 38. The tyranny of time
- 39. Hierarchy, whether you like it or
not
- 40. Children
- 41. The mixed-marriage problem
- 42. Dating outside the couple front
- 43. The sexual credit bureau
- 44. Then, the sex starts…
- 45. The doubtful triad
- 46. Changing gears
- 47. Jealousy sucks, get used to it
- 48. Surviving the radical reversal
- 49. NRE: what to do when "common
sense" is an oxymoron
- 50. Finding poly friends
- 51. Searching for your true love
- 52. We sleep together, therefore
we’re partners
- 53. Care and feeding: relationship
maintenance
- 54. Falling in & out of poly
- 55. Empower everyone
- 56. How open, how closed?
- 57. Reaching the end
- 58. The balancing act:
multiplicity
- 59. Firm but flexible: to the
future, right?
- 60. Giving up your freedom
- 61. Scheduling: jobs and other
nuisances
- 62. Creating & using a network
- 63. Talk to each other
- 64. Sex vs. communication
- 65. Having a social life out of bed
- 66. Creating a household: living
together as a method of suicide
- 67. The infamous dishwashing
schedule
- 68. Be nice to you
- 69. Time out: sex has limits
- 70. A little more sex
education
- 71. Signs that things are going to
Hell
- 72. The Ref
- 73. Falling back in love
- 74. Toward a culture of polyamory
- 75. About this book
- Epilogue: Real Community — or,
Why I Sound Like an Activist
- Resources: Real people in virtual
bunches
- Further reading
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